Friday, October 27, 2006

The Power of Words (Potential - part 2)

A young man was sent to my office one day by a teacher who was frustrated by his behavior in her classroom.

This high school junior was tall, handsome, intelligent, athletic, out-going, and well liked. His parents were highly successful professionals. Unable to have children of their own, they adopted this boy and his brother when they were babies. His father was an elder in their church and their family was very involved in church activities. He seemingly had everything going for him. However, about the time he entered high school, he chose to run with a fast crowd; their weekends usually involved poker parties with alcohol wherever they could find a home with the parents gone. I never knew if he participated in these activities, but these were the kids he chose as his close friends. By his junior year, we began to see distinct changes in his behavior and attitude.

Sitting in my office, he was not happy. He felt that he had been unfairly singled out by his teacher for something that “everyone was doing”. Knowing that I could not reach him in this state, I allowed him to vent until he calmed down sufficiently so that we could talk. This was not the first time he had been sent to my office, so we already had a good rapport. Rather than berating him for what he had done, I began to ask questions about his plans, his dreams, and his future. I told him about the good I saw in him and in his future. Then I did the unspeakable; I used the “P” word. In my attempt to motivate him, I told him that he had a bright future, tremendous potential.

He exploded.

“I am sick of hearing about my potential!” he spewed.

“Has someone said this to you before?” I ventured cautiously.

“My dad; he’s always talking about my potential,” he snarled sarcastically.

I waited a few seconds then whispered, “What does that mean to you, when your dad says you have great potential?”

He looked me square in the eye and said, “It means I’m not good enough as I am.”

If only we could know with certainty the words that would motivate and encourage our children, and at the same time, assure them of our unconditional love. May our prayer as parents be like the psalmist, David, who prayed:


“Teach me good judgment and discernment, for I rely on your commands.”

Psalms 119:66

Can you think of a time that your well-intentioned words backfired?

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