One Best Friend

By nature, I am a one best friend person. Even as a child, I wanted one best friend, even though I remember having a best friend at home, a best friend at school, and a best friend at church. Still, if forced to choose, I knew who my overall best friend was.

When I got married and moved to a strange town, my beloved was my one and only friend, my best friend. Although I still consider him to be my best friend, it is unrealistic to expect him to take the place of my girls. He won’t get manicures and pedicures with me. He doesn’t like chick flicks. He doesn’t like to exercise, and he hates to shop. He thinks four pairs of shoes are plenty: black, brown, athletic, and work boots. We can’t wear each other’s clothes or try each other’s favorite lipsticks. He refuses to go in a Michaels or Hobby Lobby; he doesn’t appreciate romance novels, and he would rather eat hard candy than chocolate.

I remember sometime within the first few years of my marriage feeling unsettled and dissatisfied. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but I found myself very critical of my beloved, as if he could do nothing to please me. Then God taught me something through Dr. James Dobson. I don’t remember which of his books it was, or even if I heard it on his radio show. I do remember that he was talking about our culture; how families have moved away from each other, how we don’t even know our neighbors, and how, with the husband and wife both working outside of the home, wives often do not find or take the time to cultivate close female friendships. He reasoned that most wives, having worked all week, spend their evenings doing those things that housewives do during the day. Weekends are spent with their families. Consequently, they put undue pressure on their husbands to meet all of their needs, even those needs that would better be met by girlfriends with similar interests (review paragraph two).

I took Dr. Dobson’s lesson to heart and looked for opportunities to develop, cultivate, and invest in female friendships. It wasn’t long before my attitude toward my beloved changed as I no longer felt that he and he alone should meet all of my needs. During our time together, we were able to choose those things that we both enjoy, rather than me haranguing him because he doesn’t enjoy to (fill-in-the-blank with something from paragraph 2).

Just like in most things in life, balance is the key. One should never spend so much time with friends that family suffers, but I thank God for my girls.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down, his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10