Empty Nest

Who coined the phrase, “empty nest” to refer to the last child leaving home? Why don’t they more accurately call it, “hole in my heart”, or “deafening silence in my home?” It would work, you know. You’re making small talk and the subject of kids comes up. “Do you have kids at home?” “No, we have a hole in our hearts.” “Ah,” they nod knowingly. “Where are they going to school?”

After work some evenings, I go to a spin class. When I returned tonight, my beloved had started dinner. He asked, “How much pasta do I put in?” “I don’t know,” I answered perplexed. “I don’t think I know how to cook for two.” Ever the problem solver, he said, “I’ll just cook it all. We can have it again tomorrow night!”

We just dropped our baby off at college yesterday. Lovey chose the same college her brother attends, which is cool and, in a way, made it a little easier for us to leave her there. She also has cousins at the same school. They were joking yesterday that any boy who wants to date Lovie has to go through three people. I could tell her dad enjoyed that.

On Saturday, we lugged all her stuff up to her room (why are freshmen always on the second or third floor?) then began our first of several trips to Walmart. Between necessary shelving, room decorations, and food, we finally called a truce to the spending when we had exceeded our weekly grocery budget.

On Sunday after church, we went to lunch with the cousins. After yet another trip to Walmart, we returned to her room one last time to cover a bulletin board with fabric. The moment we were dreading had arrived. All we had to do was staple the fabric to the board and we would be through. I stapled while my beloved held the fabric to the board. The stapler kept jamming. Over and over I stopped, took the staples out, removed the offensive staple, and started again. As I became more frustrated, my beloved took over until he could not get the stapler to work either. Neither of us wanted to quit. Neither wanted to give up on the stapler, because once we finished the job, it would be time to go. Finally, Lovie said, “Mom, Dad, it is ok. I’ll finish it later. You need to get on the road so you will be home before bedtime.”

The next thing I know I’m enveloped in a group hug and totally losing my composure. As the tears are streaming down my face, I’m thinking, “When did she get taller than me? I need more time. There’s so much more I want to teach her. There’s so much more to share.” We said our goodbyes and rode off in silence with my beloved at the wheel. I chose the comfort of the fetal position in the back seat.

It’s hard to believe that we have had children living in our home for the past 27 years. This is the fourth time we’ve taken a child off to college. This is the fourth time that the hole in my heart has been exposed. I take comfort in the fact that our baby is safe and happy and has many wonderful adventures ahead of her. She is a Christian with a good head on her shoulders and a big heart. She loves people and she loves life.

In my head, I know she’ll be fine and we’ll be fine. In my heart…..now that’s another matter.

“But you, O Sovereign Lord, deal well with me for your name’s sake;

out of the goodness of your love, deliver me.

For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me.”

Psalm 109:21-22