God Doesn't Like Bragging

In my previous post, Confessions of a Germaphobe, I confessed to bragging about my health, which I attributed to my persistent avoidance of doorknob touching. I soon learned that God doesn’t like bragging.

Last Friday night, my beloved and I ate a wonderful dinner and headed for the airport to catch a plane for Kansas City to visit Kindred Spirit and her husband Sammy. As we sat in the terminal waiting to board, I began to feel uncomfortable. In minutes, my stomach was bloated and cramping. It was pretty miserable, but quickly forgotten as we boarded the plane and headed to KC.

On Saturday, Kindred Spirit and I enjoyed a day of shopping and running errands. By late afternoon, I became distracted by my new visitor, a rolling stomach ache. After a couple of hours of that, it, too, went away. Sunday was a full day that ended with a visit to the Cheesecake Factory with family and friends. We had a wonderful meal, topped with a group dessert; you know the kind, a huge piece of cake and eight forks. I took one bite…one bite of the cake and was overcome with a sinking feeling. I am going to throw up. Right here, right now. My mind raced as we walked to our cars to head back to Kindred Spirit’s house. Can I make it to the house? Do I tell her in case I need her to pull over?

I did tell her and we made it, just barely. I then took a nap until time to catch the plane home. By that time I felt somewhat better; mostly I was just anxious about getting on a plane in case I got sick again. She dropped us off at the airport; we made it through security and stood in line to board. As you may know, Southwest Airlines does not have assigned seats, so it is first come, first serve. The flight was running behind schedule, so after about thirty minutes of standing in line, I started feeling bad again. Scouting around for the nearest restroom, it dawned on me that I was not going to throw up; I was going to pass out.

I leaned into my beloved and whispered, “I’m going to pass out.”

“No you’re not. You’re fine” (his attempt at positive thinking).

“I am. I’m going to pass out.”

You know how it feels when your arm or leg goes to sleep? Passing out feels like your whole body has gone to sleep. It tingles all over, everything goes black, and you have zero muscle control.

He grabbed me before I hit the floor, and together with a kind fellow passenger, dragged me to the nearest chair, then stuffed my head between my knees. The blood rushed back to my head and I soon felt better, awkwardly embarrassed, but better.

The airline allowed us to pre-board. We took seats near the front and I slept the whole way home. Once home, I was up sick most of the night, slept most of the next day with a splitting headache; I missed two days of work in all.

When I returned to work today, I received some genuine sympathy, but quite a bit of ribbing too. “So, how’s that doorknob thing working for you?”

Lesson learned the hard way: God doesn’t like bragging.

“Let not the wise man boast of his wisdom

Or the strong man boast of his strength

Or the rich man boast of his riches,

But let him who boasts boast about this:

That he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice, and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight, declares the Lord.”

Jeremiah 9:17